For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to be a mommy, even when I was a very small child. Dolls were glued to me 24/7 and babies were constantly an attraction to me. The desire to be a mommy was strong then, and it's even stronger now. This desire is not a fleeting one. I realize there is a huge difference between a God's desires and my own desires. My own generally come and go very quickly. But the ones that are placed there by God, always stick around, even when faced with trials and fires I still come out the other side with those desires (God's desires) intact. I think of how many desires and likes I have wasted time or money on...scrapbooking is a good example. I was fascinated by the idea. I even did a few scrapbooks myself. Over a short period of time, I lost interest. Now all my scrapbook stuff sits in my spare room not used...and personally I avoid it cause it takes to much time and creativity. I would much rather make a scrapbook online in 3 days and have the finished project sent to me. That desire has basically died...big difference huh? I can pretty much say that was a desire of my own.
At the same time, I hear people say, "Maybe you're not meant to be a mother, or maybe you should pursue a career instead." You know, for a moment I thought these people were right. But then again, after realizing this about God's his desires for me to have a family, I realize that that advice (or whatever it is) has been off, very much so actually. Who will I believe...men or God? Where is my faith? Is it in what men say or what God says? Men didnt fashion me, God did. So how can men fully know all that God has put within me? I have made up my mind...I must listen to what God says vs what men have to say. I know God will give me the desires of my heart as I know He put this desire, this desire to be a mother, right in the center of my heart.
I also realized that when I go through fires my desires are refined. Just like silver in refined and purified by fire so are my desires. My own desires generally get burned up, and the desires that are placed there by God remain, they become more refined and purified. The desire to be a mother is not my own desire. If it was, I would have lost interest long ago. But through this last year & 1/2, the desire to be a mother has been put through the fire. Yet, now as I stand on this side of this year and half I realize more and more how I long for the WILL/DESIRES of God to be fulfilled in my life. And I am certain that when God sees his reflection in this silver,this desire, he will pull it out of the fire. For He always desires to see His reflection in us and also in our desires.
How blessed I am to have a Father that desires the best for me. "Lord, more of You and Your desires, and less of me and my silly desires. Refine me and my dreams..."
Isaiah 55:8-9 - "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
