Distractions - Written Oct 1, 2007

I am constantly getting distracted as I pray or worship, even when I am playing my keyboard. I hate distraction, yet I am constantly following it wherever it may lead. Even if it means my eyes following to the clock on the wall or the dog that just walked by my front window. I am constantly distracted by my eyes. So a few weeks ago, I had a God thought, "put a blanket over your head." Simple. So I did just that. Wow!! My eyes weren't wondering, mostly cause they had no where to wonder to, Then a couple of days later I was playing my keyboard and singing to the Lord, and again I was distracted. Yet another God thought came, "blindfold yourself." I argued a few minutes with myself on that one as I needed to see the keys or the words...which isn't true, I know those keys very well and I don't need to see the words as my heart is singing not my eyes. So I covered my eyes with a blindfold. WOW again! No distractions! With that my mind slowed down and I was able to focus more on the Lord and what I was saying and with that I had a vision. There was a dark gray sky & rainy. But out of the sky in the midst of the gray and rain, came an opening and a rainbow was there. Not just any rainbow, but a rainbow made up of gemstones of all the colors. The rainbow's end was in my home. And at the end of that rainbow was a pot of gold, not gold coins but liquid gold.

Holy Spirit, thank you for leading me and revealing so much to me! Keep me soft before you.

Make Me Like Jesus

"Make me like Jesus..." My heart says these words, then my world begins to change, maybe not for the best (or so I think), things crumble, the very core of me is shaken. Then I have a revelation...this IS me in the process of becoming like Jesus! In the midst of suffering is where I am changed the most, where things are burned and cleansed. Ouch! Do I dare pray this prayer again!?! Yes...because I press on to the goal, just like Paul said. Lord, I want to learn obedience even in the things I suffer. Even in the midst of my heartache from losing Isaiah and Jayden (my two precious unborn chilren).

Hebrews 5:8 - So even though Jesus was God's Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.

What a Season - written Dec 19, 2007

I haven't journaled in months it seems. It just gets hard to write all that we're going through. We're still not pregnant. I feel as though the dream of carrying our children to full-term is becoming less and less real. When I was a child, that dream seemed so much more real to me then it does today. Maybe it's because of the heartache and the losses, they're beginning to cloud my vision. Yet I know that is not what God desires...he desires for me to be able to dream and he desires to see my dreams come true. Yet how do I get from here to there? It seems like such a long journey. How do I continue to keep my head up when all around me I sense great heartache and everyone else pregnant when I should be pregnant. How do I keep pressing on? How does one NOT waver under these circumstances? How do I continue to believe that God will truly grant my request for children? I honestly don't know those answers, if I did I wouldn't be struggling like I am. Yet in my heart, somewhere beyond all the pain, I know that God will grant my request. He has made the promise to me. I have the receipt in hand, now I just need to wait for the package to arrive. But how long? I feel like it may take forever. But I must hold on. I can't give up, not now. Lord, help me with my unbelief, help me keep pressing on. I can't do it without You. I again ask that you would grant my request that we'll become pregnant and carrying our babies to full-term. I know with You all things are possible...and without faith it's impossible to please you. So I hang on to you, I hang on to this faith, even if it's the size of a mustard seed. I need you to supernaturally increase my faith. Raise my dreams from the dead. Help me to dream about my breakthrough! I cant even dream without you. Thank you Lord in advance for what you are doing and what you are going to do in and through my womb and our lives. Thank you for the children that you have for us. I just call them forth from the very foundations of the earth. I ask that you would continue to comfort our hearts in this season and bring us out through the other side. I love you Abba Father! You truly are so great and faithful even if I don't see all that you are doing. I hang on to you.

Add to your faith virtue

Lord, add to my faith virtue, your power. I want to have my faith energized. you say in your Word that signs and wonders will follow those that believe Him.

Mark 5:24 - 31
Jesus knew when virtue was leaving his body. And the lady knew and felt in her body that she was healed as well.

Lord I want to know the power that works within, not just on the outside.
Focus on the power that's within.

Luke 5:17; 6:19
Eph 1:18-20 (two kinds of power)
Eph 3:7

Dream - Raise the Dead

Back at the end of November I had a dream. I was at a hospital with some members of my family, Jer included. There as a lady that had a set of twins that were delivered, they both had died (had been actually dead supposedly for 5 weeks - who knows what that means). The babies were on their way to the place where they put died people. But on the way, I stopped them, asked if I could pray over the babies. And as I did this, both babies began to breathe, then move. At the same time, Tanner was resurrected as well.

I have no idea what this really means. But it stuck with me, so I figured I'd write it down. As in the Word of God in Matthew it says that authority was given to his disciples (I'm a disciple of Jesus) to heal the sick, cast out demons, heal the lame, and resurrect the dead. This is where I want to live and move - in the authority HE has given me.

Entering His Rest

God's promise of entering [begin to experience] his place of rest still stands, so we out to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to get there. For this is Good News - that God has prepared a place of rest - has been announced to us just as it was to them. But it did them no good because they didn't believe what God told them. For only we who believe can enter his place of rest. As for those who didn't believe, God said, "In my anger I made a vow: 'They will never enter my place of rest,'" even though his place of rest has been ready since he made the world. We know it was ready because the Scriptures mention the seventh day, saying, "On the seventh day God rested from all his work." But in the other passage God said, "They will never enter my place of rest." So God's rest is there for people to enter. But those who formerly heard the Good News failed to enter because they disobeyed God. So God set another time for entering his place of rest, and that time is today. God announced this through David a long time later in the words already quoted: "Today you must listen to his voice. Don't harden your hearts against him." This new place of rest was not the land of Canaan, where Joshua led them. If it had been, God would not have spoken later about another day of rest. So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who enter into God's rest will find rest from their labors, just as God rested after creating the world. Let us do our best [make every effort] to enter that place of rest. For any who disobeys God, as the people of Israel did, will fall. For the word of God [living and active] is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all we have done.